I'm feeling so lousy now!!

I was told that I'm taking over the post as a ADMINSTRATOR, and end up my title is still a Receptionist/HR Admin.. thankyouverymuch...

I really felt being used by them... pass most of my admin job to her , and I only take over those "Kpo" work.. Order water for staff, order stationery, buy snacks for guest.. Haiz... I reli dun feel like working here anymore loh..

I always think I'm just a rubbish... Hairdressing also half half, office also like shit, forget this n that.. haiz.. I'm really a rubbish loh... Even family also think I'm a stupid and ugly girl... :( Den suddenly 1 day they promote mi... Den I was wah.. I really nv dream that I will get a promotion... So I "thought" I've proven myself... But in the end........ I was wrong... I'm indeed a rubbish.... just a useless mud... Haiz.... Am I really a cut out in office line ? Or should I go back to Hairdressing? I admit working in Kimage Funan was my most happiest days... But thinking back, if I really go back Kimage, I'll have to sacrify my weekends off and Public Holidays... No Time for families.... Haiz... Can anyone tell mi what to do? I'm reli so depressed...

Yesterday I was reli so sad about all these that I did not have the appetite for dinner... I felt so reckless... And I cry and cry upon watching the TV about a woman staying at WoodBridge Hospital, who have mental Problem when young, and now age 68 and nobody came to bring her back home ever since she has recover from the sickness.... When I'm feeling sad, that's the period where I can cry n teared at every minute every second... Just now was talking to bestie in my company, and I also cant tahan den teared.. Haiz.. I reli try very hard to control.. but just couldn't make it...

And even the office Janitor auntie also look down on me... she said: " aiyah, they ask her do so many things because she now studying Private U mah.. People so clever..." all these words make mi felt more lousy! Argh.. I'm reli so sad.. Feel like going to die...

I reli feel like going home now and never ever come back... (Quit on the spot lah.) But bestie kept asking mi to tolerate and try to look for one job before leaving... Cuz "Bu yao gen qian guo bu qu".... I understand... But I reli duno I can stand all these people how long... I'm afraid the longer I stay, I might develop to depression... Cuz its seems like everyone is looking down on mi and I feel so small... Cuz everyone was like, how come u still sit at front desk? How now become I still need to report to her... thankyouverymuch.... haiz... See if later If reli cant tahan liao, den I go home....

Can u imagine, U thought U r becoming a senior, but end up the supposingly "junior" became ur senior and that u still have to report to her? Understand how I feel? I reli hate this Company N Hate my manager.... It's so obvious that she treat mi like shit and treat her like princess... I din do anything to provoke her Ok?!!? Fcuking CB.. *)*^%#$#@$!$#%^&*^* ARGH!

Den yesterday hubby keep on nagging ask mi to quit this job, cuz he always see me so sad after returning from work... den still ask mi toady dun go work, he'll go and find job with me... And yesterday he nagged at me until 12+am... Zzzz.. (and cause me to overslept this morning.) But end up I'm still in the office... Haiz... ever since I was being scolded by the interviewer last time, I've developed a Phobia of going for interviews.... when ever sit with strangers in close rooms, I'll still to have cold sweat... and nervous... Guess I've have those 2 bad experience, thus I'm reli being held back of looking for jobs and going for interviews...

I'm feeling so small... Ever smaller than ants....